Eight Things You Should Know About Your Russian Patients

1. Ice cream is the worst possible thing you could offer kids during cold season. Every Russian family has a horror story about their sick child being offered...ice cream?! Hot beverages are the only things that help sore throats. We believe in scalding over soothing.

2. Cold draft brings colds. This is not just a Russian thing, but could be the reason for our fur hats.

3. Sitting on a cold surface makes us infertile. Get the drift? Cold is BAD.

4. Our alcohol intake does not, (for better or for worse), follow American norms. We drink vodka when we give toasts at special events. Toasts at Russian meals happen every few bites. Special events are every weekend.

5. We pick our own mushrooms and eat them. Possible liver failure is a risk we are willing to take for the hunt. The art of mycology is passed down through generations, but that doesn’t mean you won’t see one or two of us in your ER every year.

6. Make us wait. If we have to wait, we know you are busy and will respect you.

7. Don’t smile. Smiling in Russian means you’re dumb.

8. We eat Salami for breakfast. No comment.